If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
