well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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