new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
