why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
