Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
