lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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