last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
