Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
