I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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