if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
