sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
