True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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