Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
