hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
