Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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