bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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