The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
