Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
