you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
