My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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