omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
