mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
