my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
