she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
