We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
