I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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