found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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