Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
