You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
