Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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