i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
