you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
