I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
