How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
