How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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