So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
honey bunches of taint.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
