he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
