I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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