i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
