Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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