the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
