So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
smell my finger.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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