I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
