I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
