it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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