I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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