he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
