So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
