So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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