Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
