So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
