I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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