Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
