Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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